Updated: Apr 7, 2021
I wrote this two years ago: GRIEF
Y'all may have realized that I have not posted since June 4th, 2018. That's because my life/ our lives changed forever on June 5th, 2018. On that fateful day, my baby sister (Captain Barbara Wangechi Kamau) died in a plane crash, our baby sister was no more. It seemed like our world just stopped! She and I were kindred spirits especially when it came to food LOL, man we love food, as Dad always said the two of us lived to eat, we didn't eat to live. After that fateful day, to tell you that I wanted to do anything would be a lie, there are days I would be in pajamas for days, there are days I went out into the world and I hadn't taken a shower or even combed my hair or even brushed my teeth, I just put one foot in front of the other.
During this time I still showed up on the days where I needed to take Dad to the hospital, he had changed, he was more quiet, his eyes were filled with sadness and his heart well his heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces. I would pick him up we would drive in silence, I would watch as they would hook him up to all those tubes and machine and I would wait for him to sleep and then I would leave him for his 4 hour long grueling procedure. I would come back and pick him up and each time I could see it was sucking the life out of him and yet, he still put one foot in front of the other.
I gave up going to work, I gave up creating, I gave up cooking, I mean I literally gave up everything, the bill collectors started calling, the stockists started calling, the clients started calling and you know what I just didn't care anymore, I really didn't. My saving grace did come though...in the name of my brother. He asked me to help him with a project at his company, it was a 2 month project and he may not have realized it but he saved me. Dad said to me, it's time, go away for a while, your soul is restless.
Have you ever cried so much you thought your heart and soul would break? I am not sure that a part of my heart didn't break on that fateful day. Death has a way of leveling the field, it doesn't matter who you are, when you lose someone you love, it truly does change you, no one is immune.